"Eat Fat, Lose Fat", Adrenal Gland Fatigue, and B Vitamins

I mentioned this is my previous post: In the interest of weight loss, I finally broke down and bought a copy of Eat Fat, Lose Fat by Mary Enig and Sally Fallon. Paired with my commitment to not eat sugar anymore, and to temporarily get off grain, I think this book will help me get out from under my baby weight.

I suspect that I am also having a difficult time losing weight because of exhaustion as well. I think I have adrenal gland fatigue and I know I have a B vitamin deficiency.

I have started taking a maca root supplement twice daily that I usually only take during my period. Maca root is shown to balance hormones and help with energy. You shouldn't take maca raw, so only buy brands that are "gelatinized" or pre-cooked. (I use the Royal Maca capsules by Whole World Botanicals that I bought at Sprouts.)

I wanted to buy this supplement from Radiant Life, but it was too freaking expensive. Plus, I didn't know if I would realistically take a liquid daily if it wasn't tasty. But I do like that it's derived from whole foods, fermented, probiotic, and has the full B complex. I found a similar (?) one at Whole Foods today called Raw B-Complex by Garden of Life that was a lot cheaper, claims to be made from whole food sources, and is a lot cheaper. We'll see how that goes as I take it over the next month.

GAPS and Biokult Probiotic Giveaway at CHEESESLAVE

Okay real foodie folks, there is a giveaway you should know about over at CHEESESLAVE's blog. If you follow the directions on the blog, then you will be eligible to win a copy of Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride's book "Gut and Psychology Syndrome" and a bottle of Biokult probiotics, which is a $53 value. I am hoping I win :)

Either way I am going to get my hands on this GAPS book. I think it is a fascinating subject, how food can go greatly affect our well-being. I also just got a copy of Real Food: What to Eat and Why by Nina Planck and I am looking forward to reading it as I expand my real food library. I finally broke down and bought a copy of Eat Fat, Lose Fat by Mary Enig and Sally Fallon. Paired with my commitment to not eat sugar anymore, and to temporarily get off grain, I think this book will help me get out from under my baby weight.

I hope you'll all click over there and learn a little more about real food!

Things E Says (Part Nine)

E, while poking my sore, scraped knee, repeatedly: "Boo-boo. Boo-boo."

Things E Says (Part Eight)

E, while going to bed: "Na-niiiigh, na-niiigh!"

Things E Says (Part Seven)

E, while waving: "Hi-eee, Hi-eee!"

Things M Says (Part 29)

I was trying to remember the whining exchange M and I had earlier today and just blogged in the previous post (Part 28), so I asked M if he remembered what I had thought was cute and funny in the car. He said he didn't remember, and asked why I wanted to know.

I explained about my blog and said: "I like to write cute and funny things you say on there."
M: "Like 'funny quarters'?! Hahahahaha!!"
me: "'Funny quarters?' You are so silly!"
M: "That's funny! Write that on your blog!"
me: "Okay!"

Things M Says (Part 28)

me, in the car: "No you can't hold the iPod, we're almost home."
M, after a moment: "I was about to whine, but I thought to myself 'Hmm, I think if I whine I will go to time out, and I don't want to go to time out' and then I didn't whine!!!"
me: "Good job, buddy!" *snicker*

Things M Says (Part 27)

While driving in the car with R and E earlier today, listening to the iPod, commenting on E's dancing in his carseat: "E's really feelin' it."

Things M Says (Part 26)

M, while dancing to Metallica: "Mom, now there are LOTS of ninjas doing cartwheels around me."

So. Awesome.

Things M Says (Part 25)

me: "M, you need to pick up all this paper money, because E will rip it up."

M: "I don't like that idea."

me: "I know, but it must be done!"

M: "I reaaaally don't like this idea!"

me: "Well, you still need to do it."

M: "Mom, if you say that again, even when you're 45, I will still not pick these up. I will go with my dad to find a new family, and I will not clean these up!"

me: *eyeroll*

Things E Says (Part Six)

E, whenever R is around, or even when he's not, or even when E sees a picture of R, or every time E talks on a phone, or whenever E pretends some other toy IS a phone: "Da-deeeee!"

Things M Says (Part 24)

M, while blowing bubbles in his kefir soda with a straw: "Mom, bubbles are so amazing. I know a lot about bubbles. I am an artist. If you breathe air into this straw, then bubbles come up from the bottom!"

me: "So you're a bubble artist?"

M: "Yeah, sure am."

Another Guest Post over at The Exponent

You can read my second guest post over at The Exponent here. The first one I did last year is here.

Things M Says (Part 23)

while making a train track shape on the carpet:

M: "Mom, this is the most amazing thing I have ever made in my whole life!"

Watching Food, Inc.

You can watch Food, Inc. on Netflix for free. I just (finally! sorry Brian/Uncle Bones!) finished watching it on my DVR after recording it on PBS last week. Perhaps it will be on again? Go check, I highly recommend it.

I am really loving the rallying force this movie has been. It is shedding light on what a lot of us intrinsically know. The anger is even good, because you can harness it into personal changes that grow into local changes.

I especially love that Michael Pollan (from Food, Inc.) said on Oprah a few weeks back something to the effect of "we can make a political decision three times a day, for each meal and what we decide to spend our money on".

Things E Says (Part Five)

E: "miwwww!!" (milk)

Things E Says (Part Four)

E: "wa-wa!!" (water)

Things M Says (Part 22)

R and M like to play "bucking bronco" where R tries to shake M off his back onto the bed. M loves this game! But he doesn't remember to call it "bucking bronco". He sometimes says "brucking bronco", but even funnier, he usually says "bruck and bronco" which cracks me up.

Things M Says (Part 21)

M: "I want to be an ant scientist."
R: "Well, that is called an 'entomologist'."
M: "Yeah, I want to be an antomologist."

Things M Says (Part 20)

While at the park this weekend, getting a drink from the drinking fountain with R:

R: "Let's get a drink."
M: "I don't think I can reach it."
R: "Well, one of them is lower."
M: "Slower?"
R: "No, lower."
M: "You need to be more pespific." (Specific.)
R, thinking: (Sheesh.)

Is anyone surprised to find that this is something I say to M a lot? "M, please be more specific. I don't know what 'this' means." Now it has been turned back on us. It was only a matter of time.

Things E Says (Part Three)

Crawling over with a ball: "Ba! Ba! Ba!"

Things E Says (Part Two)

E (while waving): "Haa!"

He says hi like he's from the South or something.

A newer development, also while waving: "Baa!"

Again, as if from the South.

Things M Says (Part 19)

At my friend's house:

me: "M, it's time to go home, go find your shoes."
M: "No! Shut up!"
me: "If you say shut up you will have a time out in the car, strapped in to your car seat, when we get home."
M: "Grrrr."
me: "C'mon, come get your shoes."
M: "I feel like if I walk over to get my shoes, I will say 'shut up' again."
me: "Well, if you don't get your shoes then you will also have a time out strapped into your car seat when we get home. So just try not to say shut up and go get your shoes."
M: "Well, we have a problem."

I am so glad M couldn't see my face at the time, because I barely held in a laugh. M has some good emotional intelligence going on.

Things M Says (Part 18)

me, making a mistake by saying: "Hey M, I signed you up for swimming lessons, and they start in April!"
M, gasping: "Really?!"
me: "Yep!"
M: "What month is it?"
me: "March."
M: "What is the day today?"
me: "March 19th."
M: "How many more days are there in March?"
me: "19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31!"
M: "Oh, okay."

(later)

M: "What day in March is it today?"
me: "The 19th."
M: "Oh, I thought it was already the 21st!"

Here we go for the rest of the month!

Missing Gramma

I am home from my gramma's funeral. For the funeral I was in California with my entire family, and it was both wonderful and sad. We spent time going through her music, books, clothes, jewelry, dishes, and the like. It was very strange, but so meaningful to be able to take pieces of her home with me. I loved that we all got something that was special to each of us. I also found the white ceramic rabbit that my gramma had said reminded her of me, ever since I can remember. The most wonderful part was that she had written "K (heart) Gramma" on the underneath. As I unpacked a few hours ago and placed it on my dresser, I felt a distinct realization that she is really gone. I keep thinking I can call her, or that I will hear her shoes clicking on the hardwood floor at her house as she walks out of the hallway.

We got to see her one last time at the viewing, where she didn't look quite like herself. I think the body alone literally looks like it is missing half of itself when the soul is gone. I am trying to feel lucky and grateful that she went peacefully in her sleep, and in her silk pajamas!, and that she lived a full life.

During the service I was able to play an easy Bach piece from the Well-Tempered Clavier that I remember also playing on my gramma's piano approximately one billion times in the course of growing up there. Each grandchild got to share a memory, and it was such a beautiful tribute to her life.

Then, we all went back to the house and gathered our things. We hugged and took our keepsakes home. I spent time taking pictures of the eucalyptus trees, the creek, the weeping willow, the house numbers, the piano, the yard, and even the handles on the kitchen cupboards. My grandpa is going to go and live with my mom, and then the house will be sold. I am at peace with what has happened, but I am still aching with the newness of this change.

In the meantime, I keep looking at that ceramic rabbit and tearing up with the realization that it is at MY house now. It no longer resides on the white counter-top in San Jose as I come back to visit and Gramma tells me again "you know, this has always reminded me of you".

I will think of Gramma every time I see that rabbit. Every time I wear the red flats I found in her closet after she passed on. Every time I see that second edition of Mormon Doctrine on my shelf, with her highlighted passages. Every time I watch The In-Laws, or Frasier, or Hook, or My Blue Heaven, or Mary Poppins, or Fox News (ha!). Every time I see a Saks 5th Ave., or Nordstrom, or Macy's. Every time I see silk pajamas or pearls or Cadillacs. Every time there is an Easter egg hunt outside in the trees. Every time I get a back-scratch. Every time I see eucalyptus trees. Every time I use one of her ice cream bowls with the silver edging. Every time I think of the piano, especially Fur Elise of The Spinning Song. Every time I see an organ, or play an organ. Every time someone mentions My Turn on Earth. Every time I use the Dutson Family Directory to find a phone number. Every time I think of E's health problems and how much she cared about the details, never tiring of me talking about it. Every time I stay up late to get things done. Every time I see a garnet ring set in gold. Every time I believe that I am smart because she told me so. Every time I cannot shut up about something I feel passionate about, and I wonder where the genes come from :D.

And every time I get to St. George and go visit her grave, so that I can put flowers on it just like I used to put flowers on her baby's grave here in Arizona any time I could get there. I miss you, Gramma, but you are alive in me. I am happy to find parts of you not only in the things I brought home from your house, but in my being.

More Real Food Links

I forgot some links I need to add to my list! Some are links I had overlooked, but others are recently found in the days since my last post. In fact, finding links will be an ongoing process, so I added a tag "links" for these posts so you can find them easily as my number of posts about real food links grows.

I have already mentioned the link I found about budgeting for real food here. Ever since reading it I have been researching sources, both local and via the Internet, for purchasing in bulk. Azure Standard is already very helpful for many items. But I need a good source for pastured chicken, grass-fed beef, and healthy fish. I have found several good beef sources at farmer's markets and online, but not as many satisfactory ones for chicken as you will see.

Grass-fed BEEF:

• Doublecheck Ranch (at Phoenix Public Market): more expensive, sell suet and broth bones
  
• A Bar H Farm (via their website and pickup locations on delivery day--schedule found here): the cheapest price per pound I have found online, as long as you buy 1/2 animal or so
  
• US Wellness Meats (via their website): very high quality, not the cheapest but does specials for free shipping sometimes, check for sales. I have their ground beef in my freezer and it is delicious!
  
• Ahwatukee farmer's market (I do not know the name of the vendor, but will find out this weekend and post it here): the cheapest local beef I have found, we buy steaks and grill them on the weekends
  
• List of local vendors for Arizona (all grass-fed meats): I haven't tried all of these sources, but I am sure they are good based on my success with the others I have tried above.
  

Free Range and Pastured CHICKEN:

• Rosie's Free Range Chicken (at Sprouts or Sunflower Market): this is the chicken I have purchased for the last few years, it produces stock that gels in the fridge, so I know it is good enough produce healthy gelatin when turned into stock. However, I have heard these chickens may not be truly pastured, and they DO eat soy and corn in their feed which I dislike. I am trying NOT to buy these anymore.
  
• Rosie's, Rocky, and Shelton brand free range chickens (at Azure Standard): similarly problematic for GMOs and corn and soy. Will NOT be buying these, unfortunately.
• Mary's Pastured Chicken (at Whole Foods): my current main choice for chicken since contacting Mary's brand and they have said that though the chickens do have meal made with corn and soy, it is NOT GMO, and they eat very little of it, preferring being outside eating bugs. Also, if you ask Whole Foods, they will order you a box of chickens (8 come in a box, around 25 lbs. total) and you can have a 10% discount for ordering in bulk.
  
• Tropical Traditions Pastured Poultry (via their website): my current supplemental choice for chicken because it is so expensive. These are the most nutritionally superior chickens I have found. (I will use one of these chickens per month, and use the Mary's brand for all the other needs of our family. That way I need only buy 12 of these per year, hopefully during times when they are on sale, like right now.)
• There are still a few vendors here in AZ I need to call, so I will add to this list in the next day or so if I find anything out.
  

FISH:

• Fishhugger (via their website and the Ahwatukee Farmer's Market): very expensive, but very high quality to the point of being sushi-grade. We buy it once in a while.
• Trader Joe's, Fresh 'n' Easy, Whole Foods, for fish on sale, using the Seafood Guide to know what is safe to buy at any given time.
  

Real Food Links

First I read Nourishing Traditions, which I talked about in my previous post, and then:

• I found the Bountiful Baskets co-op
  
• I found the Dirty Dozen and Clean 15 (full list) to help with produce shopping
  
• I found information about raw milk that eased my mind
  
• I found raw milk in my area (and you can too here)
  
• I found The Nourishing Gourmet, and subsequently Cheeseslave
• I found Real Food Media which is a network of real food bloggers
  
• I found a budget breakdown of how to afford raw milk/dairy, pastured eggs/chicken, grass-fed beef
• I found an Arizona Local Food website with tons of links and information
  
• I found local ranchers and farmers for grass-fed beef
• I found a farmer's market (Phoenix Public Market) on Saturday in Phoenix for pastured eggs from Chile Acres, produce from Maya's Farm and grass-fed beef from Doublecheck Ranch (not the best price, but they carry suet and broth bones)
  
• I found a Sunday farmer's market in Ahwatukee for grass-fed beef (best price I have found)
• I found a list of good cod liver oils, various brands; also, a CLO explanation here
  
• I picked the Green Pastures brand, and found their website had the cheapest price for bulk buying
  
• And finally, the crowning glory: I found Azure Standard: they carry the cheapest organic grains, wholesome sweeteners, pastured eggs, raw cheese, natural parchment paper, canning supplies, pastured meat, cod liver oil, spices, and stainless steel baking supplies that I have found in all my local and internet searching. I cannot recommend them enough.

(cross-posted)

Nourishing Traditions: The book that overwhelmed me and then improved my quality of life

Over two years ago I read a book called Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon.

First I read the introduction that breaks down fats, carbohydrates, and proteins. It confirmed many things I had suspected (hydrogenated oils are giving us heart disease), and opened a can of worms about many things I had never even known (cod liver oil is good for you?!).

At that point I was overwhelmed with information and started making small, gradual changes. I tried to soak oatmeal overnight for breakfast the next morning, I tried to get everyone to take high quality cod liver oil (see #4 below), and I made more food at home instead of eating out.

I was still overwhelmed, and felt like I was always falling behind. I gave myself little pep talks: "it's okay, you need to practice, it will take time, just do what you can". I also found a few resources, made the organic produce shift and stopped using Teflon pans.

Here I am two years later, having gotten baby E to his first birthday and finishing my year-long breastpumping stint. I have more resources, I have more time, and I have more practical knowledge due to my two year mulling period. I will blog a series of posts about Real Food that will go more in depth.

My advice is this:

1. read Nourishing Traditions, but with a grain of salt. First of all, it has been a few years since it's publication. Secondly, there are many people who disagree with it, so make up your own mind and do not follow it blindly. I have read it and find it extremely useful.
   
2. follow the Real Food Media blog network for recipe ideas that have incorporated nourishing practices for you to follow.
   
3. Find local sources for organic produce, grass-fed beef, pastured eggs and chicken. If you buy in bulk you will save money. Use the Arizona Local Food website to find stores and farmer's markets. Or if you don't live in AZ use a site like Green People.
4. Buy cod liver oil instead of vitamins and get your family to take them. (Kids will need a spoonful of plain/flavored oil/gel. But grown-ups can take capsules, hooray! We buy from Green Pasture's and get the fermented cod liver oil/butter oil combination caps and gel.)
5. Use raw honey in place of sugar in your regular recipes.
6. Use the 80/20 rule: If you are eating well 80% of the time, don't worry too much about the other 20%.
7. Try not to stress out!
8. (Read my blog :))
   

Things M Says (Part 17)

M: Moooo-ooooommmm! E's eating a crud!!
me (in the other room, covered with raw chicken): Argh! Okay, take it out of his mouth please!
M (uncertain): Um, I can't.
me: Yes you can, just put your finger in his mouth and pull it out.
M: Okay.....AH!! E bit me!!
me (laughing, 'cause I'm sensitive like that): Sorry buddy! I'll come get it....

Things M Says (Part 16)

At bedtime, talking about his six-foot-long plush snake from IKEA, creatively named by me:

M: Oh, do you see Mr. Snake all curled up on the floor? He is getting ready for bed.
me: Yeah, he's so sleepy, he's asleep.
M: No, he is just going like this (blinks slowly), he is just blinking, he is almost asleep.
me: Oh, he's almost asleep.
M: Yeah. Hey mommy?
me: Whaty?
M: Sometimes I tell Mr. Snake jokes and he laughs like this: sss-sss-sss-sss-ss.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

Merry Christmas

A Peppermint Chubber.

A little M enjoying a snow disk at Mother Nature's Farm. Fun!

Cookie Baking Extravaganza 2009

I am documenting all the cookies I am making for the holiday season over at the recipe blog. Check it out :)

Things M Says (Part 15)

"Mom, you have to be 20 to be a ninja. I'm 20."

Things M Says (Part 14)

While visiting my sisters and brother in CA, and being chased by my brother's large puppy Angus:

"Somebody help me!!"

E's Third Surgery

E had surgery for a fistula repair this past Wednesday morning. For the first time it was in the outpatient center, so we were heading home in the late morning, instead of settling into a shared hospital room for the day and night. I vastly prefer going home after surgery.

E basically slept all day, took his plain Tylenol and antibiotics, and cried when I fed him. But he is a good sport and has improved every day since. With a lot of insistence from me has has managed to eat normally. And without any insistence needed, he has sleep normally, and then some.

Now I am just trying to keep probiotics in his system while he finishes those irritating antibiotics. He will be done with those Monday night, so I am looking forward to that. Then next week we go in to see Dr. Joganic on Thursday for a follow up. I am hoping for no pulled stitches and a perfectly healing mouth. That would be the best Christmas gift ever. E has already been making new sounds while babbling, and even occasionally making suction on his sippy cup. *sniff*

The next surgery will not be until his nose reconstruction when he is approximately 18 months old next July. That one will be a doozy, but at least it is not for a few months.

E's first year has quite a tally going: three surgeries, 8+ months physical therapy, 7+ months of chiropractics, and an orthotic helmet. After he turns one (in a month!!!) I am hoping for a nice boring year with just one surgery and that is all.

Magnesium

TMI-Alert!!!

E is not the best pooper in the world. It has stressed me out lately. Everyone should go at least once a day. After all, it is toxic stuff and needs to get out of your body. I have tried giving E more liquids, prune juice, fibrous foods. I have tried taking grains out of his diet, and yolks, and chicken. Basically E was, and still is, just having fruits and veggies, breast milk, and water. He would still only go once every other day at best, but it was little and dry-looking.

So we started E on 1/16 teaspoon of magnesium, daily. We have had to gradually increase up to 1/4 teaspoon per day, since E seems to be a little magnesium magnet. In fact, that is how E's chiropractor (Dr. Ross, who is simply wonderful) described people like E: they are magnesium magnets. There is a theory that because soil is less mineral-rich in general, that certain bodies need supplementation to function. I am hoping 1/4 tsp. is the magic number for little E. So far so good.

If anyone out there has a similar problem with their kids (or themselves!), before you turn to Miralax or some other laxative or fiber supplement, give magnesium a try. Specifically, try the brand E is using which is very easily absorbed after being fizzed in hot water, yummy tasting (flavored with stevia and citrus), is also a calcium supplement, and is about $20 for a big tub which will last at least a year: Peter Gillham's Natural Vitality Natural Calm.

(I am going to start taking it as well, since I have high stress levels, and I do not drink milk anymore. I will be buying a tub from the chiropractor soon, so if anyone in AZ wants a tub just let me know and I will be there in a week or so purchasing. Anyone else, just go to the website above and find a vendor in your area.)

Recipe Bloggin'

I have be asked to join in on another blog. Fun! The name, in apricot-color:

Chevre and Apricots: a recipe blog

Enjoy! I have posted my first contribution this morning. More to come!

I have lost my momentum

I cannot think of anything to write. I have blogger's block, or something. When in doubt, make a list.

Things I Am Thinking About Lately:

• BYU is shutting down the Women's Research Institute. I originally heard about it from a grrrr-ing friend M on my Facebook page who linked to this. Now fMh is covering it here. And the Salt Lake Trib here.
  
• At the urging of my lovely friend mraynes over at The Exponent I wrote messages to President Samuelson and John Tanner regarding the above closing of the WRI.
  
• I get to go to California and chill with my peeps in less than 17 days. Good times, noodle salad.
  
• Halloween is really fun with a 4-year-old.
• E is getting so old: helmet off, first haircut, scooting around, drinking from sippy cups, having an opinion.
• M is getting taken out of preschool: it isn't a good fit for him this year. Field trips have no transportation, he does not seem to be learning much, the campus is farther away, he seems ambivalent about whether or not he likes his teacher, and I keep thinking about how nice it would be to just have preschool at home.
  
• Preschool at home: reading stories, learning states from our large map, learning songs from Laurie Berkner and others, doing construction paper crafts, learning the calendar, practicing writing letters and names, learning to read, and of course visiting three places on a regular basis: The Phoenix Children's Museum, The Arizona Science Center, and the Phoenix Zoo. Add some parks and some library visits and I think we will be good to go until Kindergarten officially starts next fall. Plus I can supplement materials from the Lakeshore store down the street, and for a lot less than what we were paying for preschool, methinks.
  
• I got a new tiny computer that I love. Especially in conjunction with the snazzy new wireless DSL setup we got.
  

Well, it looks like I had some things to say after all.

E's Orthotic Helmet

It comes off this Wednesday! Hooray for being done, even though he is cute either way. Pictures to come.

E's Fistula Repair Surgery

E will be having surgery to fix his palatal fistula (opening) on Wednesday December 2nd at 7:30 in the morning. It is a same day surgery, and the nurse thinks we might even get out of there in the morning. E will be wearing arm restraints again, and drinking with the special SoftFeeder nipple. Or if I can get him used to it, I may start him on sippy cups completely now so he will be ready for surgery in a few weeks.

I am trying to modify this sippy lid to see if he will take it. Since he still cannot make suction with his mouth, he needs a very fast flow sippy such as one without a valve, or one that has huge holes in the spout, or both. Wish us luck!

Probiotics

I know I keep on and on about probiotics and how they fight colds and flu-like illness, not to mention keep you regular and healthy in general. Probiotics provide good bacteria for your body to use to fight off infection and to keep you healthy. Here is a link from The American Academy of Pediatrics Journal that shows the scientific evidence to lend credibility to my stance. I use two brands of probiotics that I alternate back and forth as I finish a bottle: this one and this one.

(I poke a hole in the gelcap and squeeze out some powder onto E's morning cereal and into M's morning juice. There is a little over half the powder left in the capsule that I then take. No word on whether R will ever agree to take these, party-pooper :)).

Tyler Perry

I just read on Salon and on Shakesville about Tyler Perry's experiences with sexual abuse. Tyler Perry apparently told his story of abuse on his website [trigger warning]. It is heartbreaking and triggering but deserves to be read and faced. I hope that more and more people will tell their stories and bring light to all kinds of abuse that happen around us every day. I pray that Mr. Perry will find peace in sharing his story, and maybe even a little healing.

I have also read how CNN covered the story and referred to his abuse at the hands of a female neighbor "seduction". A 10-year-old cannot be "seduced". And for that matter a 10-year-old cannot "have sex". They can be forced. They can be raped. Period. Downplaying rape and abuse is wrong. Call it what it is. In fact, if you are so inclined, call or email CNN and tell them you are disappointed in their coverage.

I was sexually abused. I wasn't seduced. I was a victim. I wasn't asking for it in some way.

Good News and "Fragrance"

EWG has good news for once. The EPA is actually addressing the dangerous nature of 6 chemicals previously deemed "safe" and that are currently in our lotions, soaps, shampoos, and the like. Here's to hoping the EPA actually follows through with this and the chemicals get banned. We can always hope.

In fact, some damning information about the EPA can be found here, where they knew the effects of many chemicals found in "fragrance" in 1991. Start to pay attention to how many items in your house have the word "fragrance" on them. Shaking. my. head.

Dance Class for Kiddos

Children's Creative Dance at the Mesa Arts Center starts October 27 and goes through December 8. Tuesdays from 4-4:50, for 4-6-year-olds, $32. My fabulous friend is teaching and it will be a wonderful creative experience for any child. To register call 480.644.6520. Do it!!!

Things M Says (Part 13)

While we were at gymnastics on Tuesday:

Max (M's teacher): Go over there, M. Go over to the really big bars.
M: (wandering around)
Max: No, over there to that big mamma jamma.
M (totally serious and inquisitive): THIS mamma jamma right here?

Cell Phone Radiation

I just found a list of cell phones and their radiation outputs. Enjoy.

Things M Says (Part 12)

On the way into preschool today, because there was a "Wet Paint" sign on the fence last week: "Mom, maybe there will be a 'Dry Paint' sign today."

On the way home from preschool, combining "Holy Cow" with "Oh my goodness": "Oh, my cow!"

Just now while watching Wall-e: "Mom, I wanna go to ouder space. I wanna go to ouder space and float around."

M's Happenings

M has started his second year of preschool and he loves it just as much as last year. It is several days a week and M is happy as a clam to be off doing his own thing all important and independent. Here he is overcome with excitement the first morning of the new school year. I don't know if you can see his face in this picture, but it captures the whole scenario perfectly. Priceless!

Once we got to his new classroom, we met his new teacher and he filed on in with the other backpacked kids. It was obviously a sunny morning.
We also have started M in gymnastics, mostly because he was so bored in the summer and they were the cheapest class around. Alright, it is also because M is particularly kinesthetic and lives his life in a virtual gymnastics-class-type fashion. Why not put him in the real thing, get him some mentoring and instruction, have him play with other kids, nurture his budding talent, and have him sleep well twice a week guaranteed? It is really a treat to see how well he takes to it. It warms my little personally kinesthetic self. Here is the smiling child hanging from one of the bars.

Plastic Overview from EWG

Here's another list you can print:

Plastics to avoid:

• Stay away from toys marked with a "3" or "PVC" (PVC stands for polyvinyl chloride, commonly called vinyl). PVC is often mixed with phthalates, a toxic additive that makes plastic more flexible. While phthalates were recently banned in new children's toys, they may be in toys made before February 2009 when the ban went into effect, as well as in shower curtains, inflatable beach toys, raincoats and toys for children older than 12.

• Avoid polycarbonate containers (sometimes marked with a #7 or "PC"), especially for children's food and drinks. These plastics are rigid and transparent, like plastic food storage containers and water bottles, among other things. Trace amounts of BPA can migrate from these containers, particularly if used for hot food or liquids. Soft or cloudy-colored plastic does not contain BPA.

  A recent study from Harvard University found that college students drinking their cold drinks from polycarbonate bottles had 93% more BPA in their bodies than during the weeks that they drank liquids from other containers.

  We recommend the use of glass over plastics. When you have no choice, plastics marked with a #1, 2, 4, or 5 don’t contain BPA and may be better choices.

How to handle plastics:

When you do use plastics, handle them safely. We suggest that you:

• Don't microwave food or drinks in plastic containers -- even if they claim to be "microwave safe." Heat can break down plastics and release chemical additives into your food and drink. Microwaves heat unevenly, creating hot spots where the plastic is more likely to break down.
• Use plastic containers for cool liquids -- not hot.
• Don't reuse single-use plastics. They can break down and release plastics chemicals when used repeatedly.
• Avoid old, scratched plastic water bottles. Exposures to plastics chemicals may be greater when the surface is worn down.
• Wash plastics on the top rack of the dishwasher, farther from the heating element, or by hand. This will reduce wear and tear.
• Don't allow your baby or young child to handle or chew on plastic electronics (the remote, your cell phone) because they may be treated with fire retardants (learn more about fire retardants and how to reduce your family's exposure in a previous Healthy Home Tip).
• Wash children's hands before they eat.

SOME SAFER ALTERNATIVES:

Where mouth contact is likely, stay away from plastics. There are a wide variety of safer alternatives available to meet your family's needs. Some ideas are:

For the kids

• When bottle feeding infants, choose glass or BPA-free baby bottles with a clear silicone nipple. See our 1-page Guide to Baby-Safe Bottles and Formula for more on safe bottle feeding.
• Give your baby natural teethers like frozen washcloths or natural, uncoated wood. Plastic teethers could have harmful additives that leach when chewed.
• Look for toys made of natural materials, like wool, cotton, and uncoated wood.

In the kitchen

• Ceramic or glass food containers (like Pyrex) are better to store and heat your food and drink.
• When using an electric mixer, choose glass or Pyrex instead of plastic to avoid chipping bits of plastic into your food.
• Carry a glass or stainless steel water bottle without a plastic or "epoxy" lining.
• Lay natural flooring instead of vinyl.
• Use wooden cutting boards -- but care for them properly to minimize bacteria.
• Cover food in the microwave with a paper towel instead of plastic wrap.

In the bathroom

• Pick a cotton shower curtain instead of vinyl.
• In the tub, play with cotton washcloths, finger puppets, wooden toy boats and lightweight aluminum cups instead of soft plastic bath toys and books.

Atlas Shrugged

Just thought I would say that I am really enjoying this book. Anyone read it? I do not necessarily agree with it, on a political level nor a gender role level, but I cannot put it down! Which is good because I need to read Pedestals and Podiums for book club on the 18th and it's a big one.

Things E Says (Part One)

E: Mamamamamamama.

*heart melting*

:)

Things M Says (Part 11)

M (while playing with plastic fake food): "Mom, Pear is 45 years old. He's old! But Cucumber (singing) is 4 like meeeee! We are both 4!!"
me: "Wow, that's so cool that you and Cucumber are the same age. Do you go to preschool together?"
M: "Yeah. Hey, mom?"
me: "Huh?"
M (while eating a REAL plum): "This pear," (the fake one) "doesn't know this plum." (the real one)
me: "Well, maybe you could introduce them, tell Mr. Pear that 'This is Plum, he's nice'."
M (looking at me like I am insane): "Mom, this plum doesn't have a face."

Oh, well, of course. Duh. Don't I know the Food Pretending Rules?

Things M says (Part Ten)

While swimming today:
me: okay we're going in 2 minutes.
M (in a baby bird voice): peep peep, no ONE minute!
me: okay, we'll go in one minute.
M (in a louder baby bird voice): PEEP! No wait, what you said. Peep, peep!!

While M was telling me about how he is super good at gymnastics:
M: And I am really good on the balance bean.

Things M says (Part Nine)

M (pretending to be a sick bird that hides under a blanket and needs me to give it medicine): I changed my mind I'm not a sick bird anymore. I'm Timmy. I have...electric fever. From Secrets.

(He means that he is the sick mouse Timmy from The Secret of Nimh, and he has scarlet fever. Lol!)

7 Falsehoods About Health Care

I have listed the overview of the seven falsehoods, but go here to read the why, how, etc. Very interesting.

• False: Government Will Decide What Care I Get (a.k.a. they won’t give grandma a hip replacement)

• False: The Bill Is Paid For

• False: Private Insurance Will Be Illegal

• False: The House Bill Requires Suicide Counseling

• False: Families Will Save $2,500

• False: Medicare Benefits Will Be Slashed

• False: Illegal Immigrants Will Be Covered

8 common myths about health insurance reform

1. Reform will stop "rationing" - not increase it: It’s a myth that reform will mean a "government takeover" of health care or lead to "rationing." To the contrary, reform will forbid many forms of rationing that are currently being used by insurance companies.
2. We can’t afford reform: It's the status quo we can't afford. It’s a myth that reform will bust the budget. To the contrary, the President has identified ways to pay for the vast majority of the up-front costs by cutting waste, fraud, and abuse within existing government health programs; ending big subsidies to insurance companies; and increasing efficiency with such steps as coordinating care and streamlining paperwork. In the long term, reform can help bring down costs that will otherwise lead to a fiscal crisis.
3. Reform would encourage "euthanasia": It does not. It’s a malicious myth that reform would encourage or even require euthanasia for seniors. For seniors who want to consult with their family and physicians about end-of life decisions, reform will help to cover these voluntary, private consultations for those who want help with these personal and difficult family decisions.
4. Vets' health care is safe and sound: It’s a myth that health insurance reform will affect veterans' access to the care they get now. To the contrary, the President's budget significantly expands coverage under the VA, extending care to 500,000 more veterans who were previously excluded. The VA Healthcare system will continue to be available for all eligible veterans.
5. Reform will benefit small business - not burden it: It’s a myth that health insurance reform will hurt small businesses. To the contrary, reform will ease the burdens on small businesses, provide tax credits to help them pay for employee coverage and help level the playing field with big firms who pay much less to cover their employees on average.
6. Your Medicare is safe, and stronger with reform: It’s myth that Health Insurance Reform would be financed by cutting Medicare benefits. To the contrary, reform will improve the long-term financial health of Medicare, ensure better coordination, eliminate waste and unnecessary subsidies to insurance companies, and help to close the Medicare "doughnut" hole to make prescription drugs more affordable for seniors.
7. You can keep your own insurance: It’s myth that reform will force you out of your current insurance plan or force you to change doctors. To the contrary, reform will expand your choices, not eliminate them.
8. No, government will not do anything with your bank account: It is an absurd myth that government will be in charge of your bank accounts. Health insurance reform will simplify administration, making it easier and more convenient for you to pay bills in a method that you choose. Just like paying a phone bill or a utility bill, you can pay by traditional check, or by a direct electronic payment. And forms will be standardized so they will be easier to understand. The choice is up to you – and the same rules of privacy will apply as they do for all other electronic payments that people make.

Learn more and get details:
http://www.WhiteHouse.gov/realitycheck
http://www.WhiteHouse.gov/realitycheck/faq

Thanks to my friend E for pointing this out.

8 Reasons We Need Health Insurance Reform Now

1. Coverage Denied to Millions: A recent national survey estimated that 12.6 million non-elderly adults – 36 percent of those who tried to purchase health insurance directly from an insurance company in the individual insurance market – were in fact discriminated against because of a pre-existing condition in the previous three years or dropped from coverage when they became seriously ill. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/denied_coverage/index.html
2. Less Care for More Costs: With each passing year, Americans are paying more for health care coverage. Employer-sponsored health insurance premiums have nearly doubled since 2000, a rate three times faster than wages. In 2008, the average premium for a family plan purchased through an employer was $12,680, nearly the annual earnings of a full-time minimum wage job. Americans pay more than ever for health insurance, but get less coverage. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/hiddencosts/index.html
3. Roadblocks to Care for Women: Women’s reproductive health requires more regular contact with health care providers, including yearly pap smears, mammograms, and obstetric care. Women are also more likely to report fair or poor health than men (9.5% versus 9.0%). While rates of chronic conditions such as diabetes and high blood pressure are similar to men, women are twice as likely to suffer from headaches and are more likely to experience joint, back or neck pain. These chronic conditions often require regular and frequent treatment and follow-up care. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/women/index.html
4. Hard Times in the Heartland: Throughout rural America, there are nearly 50 million people who face challenges in accessing health care. The past several decades have consistently shown higher rates of poverty, mortality, uninsurance, and limited access to a primary health care provider in rural areas. With the recent economic downturn, there is potential for an increase in many of the health disparities and access concerns that are already elevated in rural communities. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/hardtimes
5. Small Businesses Struggle to Provide Health Coverage: Nearly one-third of the uninsured – 13 million people – are employees of firms with less than 100 workers. From 2000 to 2007, the proportion of non-elderly Americans covered by employer-based health insurance fell from 66% to 61%. Much of this decline stems from small business. The percentage of small businesses offering coverage dropped from 68% to 59%, while large firms held stable at 99%. About a third of such workers in firms with fewer than 50 employees obtain insurance through a spouse. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/helpbottomline
6. The Tragedies are Personal: Half of all personal bankruptcies are at least partly the result of medical expenses. The typical elderly couple may have to save nearly $300,000 to pay for health costs not covered by Medicare alone. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/inaction
7. Diminishing Access to Care: From 2000 to 2007, the proportion of non-elderly Americans covered by employer-based health insurance fell from 66% to 61%. An estimated 87 million people - one in every three Americans under the age of 65 - were uninsured at some point in 2007 and 2008. More than 80% of the uninsured are in working families. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/inaction/diminishing/index.html
8. The Trends are Troubling: Without reform, health care costs will continue to skyrocket unabated, putting unbearable strain on families, businesses, and state and federal government budgets. Perhaps the most visible sign of the need for health care reform is the 46 million Americans currently without health insurance - projections suggest that this number will rise to about 72 million in 2040 in the absence of reform. Learn more: http://www.WhiteHouse.gov/assets/documents/CEA_Health_Care_Report.pdf

My BIL B told me about this. I's ignorant!

It's left-hander's day!

Helmet-head

I finally got around to painting E's helmet. We have been to three adjustments and it finally fits his poor little head. He is so much happier today than last week.

Part of the problem is that we finally started E on solid foods, so he was/is having a growth spurt and his head is growing like crazy. He got the helmet Wednesday of last week, and by Friday when we went back in, it already needed a growth adjustment.

The other part of the problem was that they did not notice a protuberance over his left ear at first. So last Friday he woke up with a huge, bright red welt that is still healing today, 6 days later. He still cannot sleep in it while his welt heals. But with all the adjusting, adding pressure divots inside the helmet, applying healing cream, and taking it off for skins checks and toweling his head dry, he is finally happy in the helmet. As you can see :)

This looks interesting.

A movie out now about the food industry called "Food, Inc.".

Shift Your Habit

This is a cool website for getting a few green tips: http://shiftyourhabit.com/category/daily-shifts/

A Typical Saturday Morning

• The sun wakes me up around 6. 6!
• I get all the baby stuff going: pumping, bottle warming, cereal
• M comes out bleary-eyed and asks "Can I watch a Wipeout? Do we have a Wipeout!?" and then when I get it ready on the DVR and fast forward to the beginning he always yells as I am pressing play "yeah yeah yeah, that's it, stooooopp!!"
• M wants to know if I am hungry, brings me a tangerine and attempts to force it into my mouth while I am pumping. It is not peeled.
  
• M and I talk about personal space.
  
• M doesn't want to wear anything but underwear today.
• As soon as I open E's door, E tries to get out of the swaddle blanket by frantically thrashing around until I unwrap him. Then he looks at me and whimpers like "Mom, the bottle's not in my mouth RIGHT NOW. I'm gonna freak out!"
• E does in fact freak out when he finds out that we are doing neck stretches before we get the bottle from the kitchen.
  
• E does a full body contraction that Martha Graham would be proud of as I bring the bottle towards his mouth. Then he relaxes into a little snuggly ball and latches onto my body like a baby monkey. Or a frog with suction-cup feet.
• M asks me if he can have gum for breakfast. Um, yeah, maybe my answer will be different this morning after the last 3 weeks of asking.
• E eats his cereal without spitting it out, but then R wakes up and E twists so far around that the cereal falls out.
• E smiles so big at R that I get a chance to shove the rest of the cereal in.
• M tells R that they are going to work together and M will be "super quiet". "But first", M says, "we are going to Safeway so we can buy bubble gum so I can show Mom how I can blow a bubble."
• M freaks out that R is not on board with this plan.
  
• R goes to work = Lame. At least it's just for a few hours.
  
• E does tummy time, back time, sitting time oh-wait-no-we-face-planted-twice-we're-all-done-with-sitting-time, and Exersaucer time.
• M plays with the marble run. The marbles talk to each other. "Shut up!" "Don't say shut up or you will go to time out!" "Ow! Don't hit or you will go to time out" Bam! Bam! Then they all go back in the top again.
  
• I sneak up on E, start stretching his neck and make a bunch of funny faces before he can remember to cry. I remember that this does not always work.
  
• E goes down for the morning nap, rubbing his little eyes all the way there.
  
• M waters the garden wearing just underwear and Crocs.
• M comes in and announces that he's Harry now and needs his wand. Said wand is found and M goes back out.
• Using a wand and a hose he "magically" waters all the plants.
• I decide to blog. I write "A Typical Saturday Morning" in the title box....
  

Rape Reasoning

(trigger warning)

I have been pondering rape fear lately. I have pondered the way rape victims seem to be blamed for being promiscuous, in the wrong place, asking for it, or downright stupid. Shouldn't the blame, again, be squarely on the shoulders of...oh I don't know, the perpetrators? I have realized that my beef with victim-blaming in sexual abuse situations like my own, very closely coincides with how many rape victims feel and are treated. I want to speak out against victim-blaming. Victims: it is NOT your fault. Predators: it IS your fault. I do not care how many people have told you that it is understandable that you would be tempted to rape someone. You are to blame, solely.

I love reading Shakesville. It is my favorite feminist/equal rights/progressive blog to read. Melissa McEwan wrote today about rape and it resonated with me so strongly that I had to link to it from here. Enjoy.

Another Hippie/Green/Organic Link (in the same fashion as the last one: short and easy to remember)

If you read my last post and found it helpful to know about the Clean 15 and the Dirty Dozen, then you might also like this simple 3 part list to reduce chemical exposure in your daily life:
1. Avoid pesticides and how
2. Avoid BPA and PFC's
3. Avoid growth hormones and antibiotics.
(continued in full below, or click on the yellow link)
..............................................................................................................................................

Healthy Home Tips (on the Environmental Working Group Website)

1. Why should you avoid pesticides?

Years of research have shown different pesticides to be associated with a variety of health problems, including:

• Cancer
• Hormone disruption
• Abnormal brain and nervous system development

Young children and pregnant women are especially at risk. Pesticides are unique among chemicals released into the environment because they are toxic by design. Their sole purpose is to kill living or“pests” - insects, plants and fungi.

How to avoid pesticides on your food

• Buy organic when you can. Organic produce is grown without pesticides, so when you eat it you’re not also eating toxic chemicals. As it should be.
• Don’t use pesticides to grow your own food. More and more Americans have backyard and community gardens. Use natural techniques – not pesticides - to manage pests.
• When you can’t buy organic, buy less-contaminated conventional produce. Every year EWG ranks popular fruits and vegetables based on the amount of pesticide residues found on them. For example, apples and peaches top our “Dirty Dozen” list, so buy those organic, but sweet corn, peas and watermelon are all in the “Clean 15,” so you can feel better about buying those raised conventionally.
• Download the guide and the handy iPhone app at FoodNews.org. Donate and we'll send you a fridge magnet, too.

2. Avoid containers and packaging that contaminate food with two common toxic chemicals - BPA and PFCs.

Buy fresh to minimize packaging

EWG recommends eating foods that have been processed as little as possible. Processing techniques detract from nutritional value, and chemicals from food packaging can leach into what you’re eating. For food packaging we recommend avoiding bisphenol A (BPA) and the Teflon and Scotchgard family of perfluorochemicals (PFCs).

What is BPA and why should you avoid it?

Bisphenol A, also known as BPA, is a synthetic estrogen used to harden polycarbonate plastics (like some baby and water bottles) and in the epoxy resin used can linings. It was found in the bodies of 93 percent of the Americans tested by the Centers for Disease Control. In laboratory tests trace BPA exposure been shown to disrupt the endocrine system and trigger a wide variety of disorders, including chromosomal and reproductive system abnormalities, cancer, cardiovascular system damage, adult-onset diabetes, obesity and resistance to chemotherapy.

As with many toxic chemicals, infants and young children are at the greatest risk of harm because their bodies are still developing. The National Toxicology Program has expressed concern that children’s exposure to BPA may lead to problems with brain and reproductive system development and behavior.

Limit your exposure to BPA from canned foods and plastic containers

• Canned foods. Almost all canned foods (including canning jars) sold in the U.S. have a BPA-based epoxy liner that can leach BPA into the food inside. Pregnant women and young children, especially, should limit their consumption of canned foods to avoid BPA. Here’s how:
• If you’re feeding your baby infant formula, use powdered formula because it has the least BPA. If you’re set on liquid formula, choose a brand sold in plastic and avoid ready-to-eat formula, which has the highest levels. Read more from EWG on safely feeding your baby.
• Buy fresh or frozen vegetables instead of canned.
• For canned veggies and fruits, choose glass bottles where available; the lids may contain BPA but less than cans.
• For canned beans, consider choosing Eden Foods brand because the cans are BPA-free. Or soak and cook dried beans – it’s a little more work but also less expensive.
• In a pinch, rinsing canned fruit or vegetables may reduce the amount of BPA you ingest.
• Make a special effort to avoid canned prepared foods like pastas and soups. We have found that they tend to have higher levels of BPA.
• Simple precautions can minimize exposure to BPA and other chemicals that leach from plastic containers and water bottles:
• Use glass or a BPA-free plastic baby bottles.
• Avoid polycarbonate containers (marked with a #7 or ‘PC’), especially for children’s food and drinks.
• We recommend the use of glass over plastics, but when you have no choice, plastics marked with a #1, 2, 4, and 5 don’t contain BPA and are generally safer for food.
• Don’t microwave plastics or fill them with hot liquids.
• Wash plastics on the top shelf of the dishwasher, where the water is cooler, or by hand.
• Avoid old, scratched water bottles.
• Use stainless water bottles without plastic linings.

What are PFCs and why should you avoid them?

PFCs, short for perfluorochemicals, belong to the family of chemicals that includes Teflon and Scotchgard. They are used to coat carpets, clothes, furniture, and food packaging, among other things. They persist in the environment and the human body and have been associated with lower birth weight for babies, cancer, infertility, elevated cholesterol and liver problems.

How do PFCs get into your food?

PFCs are used to coat food packaging, particularly those made for greasy foods. Research has shown that the chemicals can leach into what’s inside – your food.

Limit your exposure

• Avoid non-stick pans and kitchen utensils. When overheated, they can release toxic particles and chemicals in gas form. Opt for stainless steel or cast iron instead.
• Cut back on greasy packaged and fast foods. You might find PFC’s in pizza boxes, fast foods wrappings, microwave popcorn bags, muffin and pastry bags, butter boxes, and hash brown and French fry bags.
• Pop popcorn the old-fashioned way - on the stovetop or with an air popper. You can also microwave popcorn in a brown paper lunch bag.

3. Limit your family’s exposure to growth hormones and antibiotics by choosing organic meat and dairy products

Under federal law, antibiotics and growth hormones are prohibited in organic meat and dairy products. We recommend organic dairy, meat and other products from Organic Valley Family of Farms, a cooperative of more than 1,300 certified organic farmers in more than 30 states. We're also fans of Stoneyfield Farm organic yogurt.

As Requested (by some of you). For others, here you go anyway.

I have constantly expressed my disgust with pesticides and all manner of food additives and alterations. I have heard some of you say "Hey if there's a comprehensive list, I'll take it!" Well, there is one (and it's been around for awhile but I have kept forgetting to post it here!). Thanks to my friend S for reminding me of it in an email this morning.

The Environmental Working Group tested produce for pesticide residues and put out these two lists: The Clean 15 and The Dirty Dozen.

The Clean 15 (or: Lowest in pesticides or: What you can buy conventionally/non-organically grown)

1. Onion
2. Avocado
3. Sweet Corn
4. Pineapple
5. Mango
6. Asparagus
7. Sweet Peas
8. Kiwi
9. Cabbage
10. Eggplant
11. Papaya
12. Watermelon
13. Broccoli
14. Tomato
15. Sweet Potato
    

The Dirty Dozen (or: Most pesticide residue or: What to buy Organically grown)

1. Peach
2. Apple
3. Bell Pepper
4. Celery
5. Nectarine
6. Strawberries
7. Cherries
8. Kale
9. Lettuce
10. Grapes (imported)
    
11. Carrot
12. Pear

So there you go. It's a start!

Eventful

M decided to brave the scariness and come with me to Harry Potter. I screened it first by myself and thought he could just close his eyes at the scary parts if I warned him beforehand. It went well. The hardest part was getting him to hold still during a 2 1/2 hour movie. But alas, E would not eat for R at home. So around the 2 hour mark we had to go home anyways before the majority of the eye-closing scariness ensued.

M was a little miffed that he did not get to see the scary monsters in the water trying to pull Harry Potter down. Brave child. I was still happy to go before ending though. M was ready to get the wiggles out anyway. When we got home E was pretty proud of himself to resist a bottle from dad. He was getting played with and was giggling to his little heart's content. Stinker! But he knew when he saw mom that I meant business. He drank that sucker in 4 minutes flat. Sheesh.

In other news, M has finally managed to split his chin open in just the right spot to require stitches. He was looking at his fish, Annie. Annie is an ornery little malawi fish (I think) so we had to separate her from the others she was pecking to death. As M watched her in the bowl he knocked her onto the floor and then fell himself, hitting his chin on the counter on the way down. R and I saw the whole thing, grabbing the fish and filling the bowl back up with water and then checking M's chin and seeing the split. The cut is not that big, but it definitely needed stitches from the look of it. Fortunately, M thinks bandaids are magical, so he stopped crying when we got one onto his chin.

At Urgent Care they put numbing lotion on it for 5 minutes first, complete with a big stack of gauze and a long piece of tape. We joked about M's beard and that got him nice and distracted enough to enjoy the entire visit. When he heard that he was going to get glued, there was this little twinkle in his eye. M clearly thought that was pretty awesome. So once it was numb they glued it shut, put a sticky tape-X over it, and then a big ol' bandage over that. My little daredevil.

Things M says (Part Eight)

While driving in the car to Trader Joe's (which is, BTW, my favorite place) and listening to an old CD by Red Grammar that I listened to when I was a girl, M says, "Wait a sec Mom, turn the music down, you gotta hear dis!"

And you know, I don't even remember what he said next. "Dis"!

Things M says (Part Seven)

On M's birthday to Grandma in an uncoached response to the question "How is being 4 different than being 3: "Well, 4-year-olds don't throw fits." Score!

E's Palate Recovery

E is doing pretty well, considering it has only been one week since he had palate reconstruction surgery. He has not recovered as readily as he did with lip surgery, but he improves every day. On Thursday we go in to have the 10 day checkup.

It has been tricky keeping up with all his physical therapy and chiropractic appointments for his torticollis, but as of this morning we are back on track. He is well enough to do all the stretches and tummy time at home, and to get to all his therapies this week. We lost a little momentum (his neck looks more crooked again), but I am determined to get it back. He also gets a preliminary helmet appointment this week. In the words of Thom Yorke "It's just like, spinniiiiiing plaaaates."

E getting one more chomp in before surgery.


Standing up in his baby hospital gown that says "tiny tired tiger" all over it.


In recovery right after coming out of anesthesia. It was not nearly as shocking as how he looked last time. All the stitches are inside, he is not as swollen, and he does not sound as different.


The face he has been making the most since surgery. A cross between "I am in pain", "I am kinda bored" and "Are you seriously still making me do tummy time?!"


Um, I want that camera. Seriously, give it to me.

M's Birthday. He's 4!

Well, M had a great birthday in spite of the fact that I was with E at the hospital for half of it. He spent the night at Grandma's, helped make his cake in the shape of a Golden Snitch that morning (complete with white frosting wings), got to eat cupcakes and Mexican food for dinner, had a visit from the Birthday Fairy after I got home and he woke up from his nap, and got to open a pile of presents when Daddy got home from work.

Hands down the favorite toy: Marbulous. He has played with that plastic marble run for at least 2-3 hours per day since his birthday. Oh, how I love that toy! I love that little man, getting so big and tall. For the record he is very into Wall-e, Harry Potter, Wipeout, Trouble, puzzles, butterflies, "swimming" with his stuffed water animals, playing his piano and dancing, and generally running around like a hyper little boy. We always joke that he's our little raccoon. Only it's kind of not a joke. :)

Two squash M grew himself in the garden.

The birthday spoils.

Guest Post on The Exponent

I have made my Bloggernacle debut! Today I was able to provide a guest post on The Exponent blog. I have crossposted it here, but you should really check it out on the other site in case the comments get going. Plus, I love that blog. I am lucky to have a voice there.

How Well Does the Church Handle Abuse?

It took me until I was 18 and had moved out of my house to finally wander my way into the Counseling Center at BYU. I was having trouble in school, trouble sleeping, general anxiety. There began my awakening to what I was. I was abused as a child. I finally spoke the words aloud. I was broken. I was a victim.

The first time I told someone about my sexual abuse it was to my therapist at BYU. I was 19 by then. Through therapy I gradually put names on the abuse: physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual. The sexual abuse took the forefront. I look back now and am shocked that my therapist did not insist on calling the police or a social worker when I told her. I was convinced that I was the only victim. But she knew that I had younger siblings still living at home. She knew that my father was the perpetrator. She knew that statistically it had probably happened to more of my siblings. I wish she had done something. Admitting that I came from an abusive family was so new to me at the time. I did not feel comfortable navigating those waters. I definitely did not have the guts to blow the whistle on my father. I did not even know that I should have blown the whistle on my father, that my siblings were in probable danger. A social worker or police officer should have been notified. My father should have been stopped.

That same year I told my bishop. His response was "How old were you when it happened?" I told him I was 8 years old. "Wasn't that a long time ago? I don't think you need to break up your family over this when you can deal with it through therapy." Then he asked "How old are your other siblings?" I told him I was the oldest of five and four of us were female. He asked whether I thought anyone else in the family had been abused. At that time, I honestly thought I was the only one, so I told him that. He restated that I did not need to tell anyone except my therapist. My younger sister was eleven at the time. At that point she had been abused for about three years.

I was sexually abused for about one year when I was in second grade and then it stopped. That was plenty. Once is enough to do all kinds of damage. In contrast, my younger sister endured 9 years of sexual abuse by the time my father was arrested. 9 YEARS. This kills me. It kills me not only because of the quantitative amount, but because it could have been stopped. I found out during the ninth year.

Once I learned of my sister's abuse I went to my bishop at the time, in Michigan. I was 25 by then, pregnant with my first child, and had several years of therapy under my belt. My bishop's response was so different. He told me he was bound by not only by Michigan law to call the police and report it, but also needed to call the Church hotline for legal advice on how to proceed. He advised that we call my parent's bishop and tell him what was going on. Surprisingly, that bishop was also very supportive of calling the police. Both bishops explained very gently that I was encouraged to be the one to call the local police in California and give a statement to an officer. They said that if I did not feel able, that they could give the statement for me, but it would be harder to prosecute my father and get my younger siblings into a safe environment.

I suspect that in the six intermediate years between talking to my BYU bishop and my Michigan bishop there was a change (shift?) in Church policy. I think they probably give bishops better instruction on what to do with abusers and victims. It sounds like bishops have Church leaders to call for advice. These are good steps, but I must be honest: it is not nearly enough. What about a hotline for the victims? What about bishops automatically providing therapy, instead of waiting for victims to ask? What about having stricter whistle-blowing policies, to protect further victims?

I cannot help but be cynical when the only time the Church seems to actively support calling the police is when children are still living at home and/or the abuser is still abusing. Abusers need to face the law and Church discipline, no matter if their victims live at home or not and no matter if they have "stopped". It sends a message to victims that they are inherently less important and undervalued when abusers do not have to pay for their crime. Victims have no choice but to pay for what happened to them.

I am an abuse survivor. Over the last four years since I learned of my sister I have been increasingly more open about it. So I find myself here at The Exponent reaching out to other women and men to tell a part of my story. For a more in personal account of my experiences, you can read my personal blog: kmillecam.blogspot.com. It is my priority there and in my life to openly discuss the effects of abuse. The truth will set us all free.

We are home

And E is doing well. He is sleeping a lot and eating good amounts of milk, so I am not too worried about how sad he is in between those times. But it is still sad that he is sad :( I think he will get much better over the next few days. So far he has improved greatly since immediately after surgery. Thank you for writing, texting, and thinking. Love you guys.

Guestposting

I have written a guest post that will appear on The Exponent blog in the next week. When it gets published there, I will crosspost it here so you all will know. I am pretty excited to have a voice there and to add to the discussion. I also feel like the subject matter is of great importance.

In the meantime, you should check out The Exponent. I know a few of the bloggers there and they are wonderful and have such interesting and pertinent things to say in the realm of feminism and Mormonism. Let me know what you think!

E's Palate Surgery

So tomorrow is the big day. Just knowing that folks are thinking of us is enough. If you like to pray or fast or devote some other kind of meditative time, that would just make my day to know that as well. I will post an update as soon as possible after surgery is over tomorrow late in the morning.

Do you think you can still play with an Exersaucer even if you are almost 4-years-old?

Well, it turns out you can.

Things M says (Part Six)

After coming home from taking R to the bus and realizing that I meant it when I said "You have to finish your mini-spooners when you get home, even if they're soggy", and scrunching up his face into a semi-fake sad face: "But Mom, I can't. It's all foggy."