Things M Says (Part 19)

At my friend's house:

me: "M, it's time to go home, go find your shoes."
M: "No! Shut up!"
me: "If you say shut up you will have a time out in the car, strapped in to your car seat, when we get home."
M: "Grrrr."
me: "C'mon, come get your shoes."
M: "I feel like if I walk over to get my shoes, I will say 'shut up' again."
me: "Well, if you don't get your shoes then you will also have a time out strapped into your car seat when we get home. So just try not to say shut up and go get your shoes."
M: "Well, we have a problem."

I am so glad M couldn't see my face at the time, because I barely held in a laugh. M has some good emotional intelligence going on.

Things M Says (Part 18)

me, making a mistake by saying: "Hey M, I signed you up for swimming lessons, and they start in April!"
M, gasping: "Really?!"
me: "Yep!"
M: "What month is it?"
me: "March."
M: "What is the day today?"
me: "March 19th."
M: "How many more days are there in March?"
me: "19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31!"
M: "Oh, okay."

(later)

M: "What day in March is it today?"
me: "The 19th."
M: "Oh, I thought it was already the 21st!"

Here we go for the rest of the month!

Missing Gramma

I am home from my gramma's funeral. For the funeral I was in California with my entire family, and it was both wonderful and sad. We spent time going through her music, books, clothes, jewelry, dishes, and the like. It was very strange, but so meaningful to be able to take pieces of her home with me. I loved that we all got something that was special to each of us. I also found the white ceramic rabbit that my gramma had said reminded her of me, ever since I can remember. The most wonderful part was that she had written "K (heart) Gramma" on the underneath. As I unpacked a few hours ago and placed it on my dresser, I felt a distinct realization that she is really gone. I keep thinking I can call her, or that I will hear her shoes clicking on the hardwood floor at her house as she walks out of the hallway.

We got to see her one last time at the viewing, where she didn't look quite like herself. I think the body alone literally looks like it is missing half of itself when the soul is gone. I am trying to feel lucky and grateful that she went peacefully in her sleep, and in her silk pajamas!, and that she lived a full life.

During the service I was able to play an easy Bach piece from the Well-Tempered Clavier that I remember also playing on my gramma's piano approximately one billion times in the course of growing up there. Each grandchild got to share a memory, and it was such a beautiful tribute to her life.

Then, we all went back to the house and gathered our things. We hugged and took our keepsakes home. I spent time taking pictures of the eucalyptus trees, the creek, the weeping willow, the house numbers, the piano, the yard, and even the handles on the kitchen cupboards. My grandpa is going to go and live with my mom, and then the house will be sold. I am at peace with what has happened, but I am still aching with the newness of this change.

In the meantime, I keep looking at that ceramic rabbit and tearing up with the realization that it is at MY house now. It no longer resides on the white counter-top in San Jose as I come back to visit and Gramma tells me again "you know, this has always reminded me of you".

I will think of Gramma every time I see that rabbit. Every time I wear the red flats I found in her closet after she passed on. Every time I see that second edition of Mormon Doctrine on my shelf, with her highlighted passages. Every time I watch The In-Laws, or Frasier, or Hook, or My Blue Heaven, or Mary Poppins, or Fox News (ha!). Every time I see a Saks 5th Ave., or Nordstrom, or Macy's. Every time I see silk pajamas or pearls or Cadillacs. Every time there is an Easter egg hunt outside in the trees. Every time I get a back-scratch. Every time I see eucalyptus trees. Every time I use one of her ice cream bowls with the silver edging. Every time I think of the piano, especially Fur Elise of The Spinning Song. Every time I see an organ, or play an organ. Every time someone mentions My Turn on Earth. Every time I use the Dutson Family Directory to find a phone number. Every time I think of E's health problems and how much she cared about the details, never tiring of me talking about it. Every time I stay up late to get things done. Every time I see a garnet ring set in gold. Every time I believe that I am smart because she told me so. Every time I cannot shut up about something I feel passionate about, and I wonder where the genes come from :D.

And every time I get to St. George and go visit her grave, so that I can put flowers on it just like I used to put flowers on her baby's grave here in Arizona any time I could get there. I miss you, Gramma, but you are alive in me. I am happy to find parts of you not only in the things I brought home from your house, but in my being.

More Real Food Links

I forgot some links I need to add to my list! Some are links I had overlooked, but others are recently found in the days since my last post. In fact, finding links will be an ongoing process, so I added a tag "links" for these posts so you can find them easily as my number of posts about real food links grows.

I have already mentioned the link I found about budgeting for real food here. Ever since reading it I have been researching sources, both local and via the Internet, for purchasing in bulk. Azure Standard is already very helpful for many items. But I need a good source for pastured chicken, grass-fed beef, and healthy fish. I have found several good beef sources at farmer's markets and online, but not as many satisfactory ones for chicken as you will see.

Grass-fed BEEF:

• Doublecheck Ranch (at Phoenix Public Market): more expensive, sell suet and broth bones
  
• A Bar H Farm (via their website and pickup locations on delivery day--schedule found here): the cheapest price per pound I have found online, as long as you buy 1/2 animal or so
  
• US Wellness Meats (via their website): very high quality, not the cheapest but does specials for free shipping sometimes, check for sales. I have their ground beef in my freezer and it is delicious!
  
• Ahwatukee farmer's market (I do not know the name of the vendor, but will find out this weekend and post it here): the cheapest local beef I have found, we buy steaks and grill them on the weekends
  
• List of local vendors for Arizona (all grass-fed meats): I haven't tried all of these sources, but I am sure they are good based on my success with the others I have tried above.
  

Free Range and Pastured CHICKEN:

• Rosie's Free Range Chicken (at Sprouts or Sunflower Market): this is the chicken I have purchased for the last few years, it produces stock that gels in the fridge, so I know it is good enough produce healthy gelatin when turned into stock. However, I have heard these chickens may not be truly pastured, and they DO eat soy and corn in their feed which I dislike. I am trying NOT to buy these anymore.
  
• Rosie's, Rocky, and Shelton brand free range chickens (at Azure Standard): similarly problematic for GMOs and corn and soy. Will NOT be buying these, unfortunately.
• Mary's Pastured Chicken (at Whole Foods): my current main choice for chicken since contacting Mary's brand and they have said that though the chickens do have meal made with corn and soy, it is NOT GMO, and they eat very little of it, preferring being outside eating bugs. Also, if you ask Whole Foods, they will order you a box of chickens (8 come in a box, around 25 lbs. total) and you can have a 10% discount for ordering in bulk.
  
• Tropical Traditions Pastured Poultry (via their website): my current supplemental choice for chicken because it is so expensive. These are the most nutritionally superior chickens I have found. (I will use one of these chickens per month, and use the Mary's brand for all the other needs of our family. That way I need only buy 12 of these per year, hopefully during times when they are on sale, like right now.)
• There are still a few vendors here in AZ I need to call, so I will add to this list in the next day or so if I find anything out.
  

FISH:

• Fishhugger (via their website and the Ahwatukee Farmer's Market): very expensive, but very high quality to the point of being sushi-grade. We buy it once in a while.
• Trader Joe's, Fresh 'n' Easy, Whole Foods, for fish on sale, using the Seafood Guide to know what is safe to buy at any given time.
  

Real Food Links

First I read Nourishing Traditions, which I talked about in my previous post, and then:

• I found the Bountiful Baskets co-op
  
• I found the Dirty Dozen and Clean 15 (full list) to help with produce shopping
  
• I found information about raw milk that eased my mind
  
• I found raw milk in my area (and you can too here)
  
• I found The Nourishing Gourmet, and subsequently Cheeseslave
• I found Real Food Media which is a network of real food bloggers
  
• I found a budget breakdown of how to afford raw milk/dairy, pastured eggs/chicken, grass-fed beef
• I found an Arizona Local Food website with tons of links and information
  
• I found local ranchers and farmers for grass-fed beef
• I found a farmer's market (Phoenix Public Market) on Saturday in Phoenix for pastured eggs from Chile Acres, produce from Maya's Farm and grass-fed beef from Doublecheck Ranch (not the best price, but they carry suet and broth bones)
  
• I found a Sunday farmer's market in Ahwatukee for grass-fed beef (best price I have found)
• I found a list of good cod liver oils, various brands; also, a CLO explanation here
  
• I picked the Green Pastures brand, and found their website had the cheapest price for bulk buying
  
• And finally, the crowning glory: I found Azure Standard: they carry the cheapest organic grains, wholesome sweeteners, pastured eggs, raw cheese, natural parchment paper, canning supplies, pastured meat, cod liver oil, spices, and stainless steel baking supplies that I have found in all my local and internet searching. I cannot recommend them enough.

(cross-posted)

Nourishing Traditions: The book that overwhelmed me and then improved my quality of life

Over two years ago I read a book called Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon.

First I read the introduction that breaks down fats, carbohydrates, and proteins. It confirmed many things I had suspected (hydrogenated oils are giving us heart disease), and opened a can of worms about many things I had never even known (cod liver oil is good for you?!).

At that point I was overwhelmed with information and started making small, gradual changes. I tried to soak oatmeal overnight for breakfast the next morning, I tried to get everyone to take high quality cod liver oil (see #4 below), and I made more food at home instead of eating out.

I was still overwhelmed, and felt like I was always falling behind. I gave myself little pep talks: "it's okay, you need to practice, it will take time, just do what you can". I also found a few resources, made the organic produce shift and stopped using Teflon pans.

Here I am two years later, having gotten baby E to his first birthday and finishing my year-long breastpumping stint. I have more resources, I have more time, and I have more practical knowledge due to my two year mulling period. I will blog a series of posts about Real Food that will go more in depth.

My advice is this:

1. read Nourishing Traditions, but with a grain of salt. First of all, it has been a few years since it's publication. Secondly, there are many people who disagree with it, so make up your own mind and do not follow it blindly. I have read it and find it extremely useful.
   
2. follow the Real Food Media blog network for recipe ideas that have incorporated nourishing practices for you to follow.
   
3. Find local sources for organic produce, grass-fed beef, pastured eggs and chicken. If you buy in bulk you will save money. Use the Arizona Local Food website to find stores and farmer's markets. Or if you don't live in AZ use a site like Green People.
4. Buy cod liver oil instead of vitamins and get your family to take them. (Kids will need a spoonful of plain/flavored oil/gel. But grown-ups can take capsules, hooray! We buy from Green Pasture's and get the fermented cod liver oil/butter oil combination caps and gel.)
5. Use raw honey in place of sugar in your regular recipes.
6. Use the 80/20 rule: If you are eating well 80% of the time, don't worry too much about the other 20%.
7. Try not to stress out!
8. (Read my blog :))
   

Things M Says (Part 17)

M: Moooo-ooooommmm! E's eating a crud!!
me (in the other room, covered with raw chicken): Argh! Okay, take it out of his mouth please!
M (uncertain): Um, I can't.
me: Yes you can, just put your finger in his mouth and pull it out.
M: Okay.....AH!! E bit me!!
me (laughing, 'cause I'm sensitive like that): Sorry buddy! I'll come get it....

Things M Says (Part 16)

At bedtime, talking about his six-foot-long plush snake from IKEA, creatively named by me:

M: Oh, do you see Mr. Snake all curled up on the floor? He is getting ready for bed.
me: Yeah, he's so sleepy, he's asleep.
M: No, he is just going like this (blinks slowly), he is just blinking, he is almost asleep.
me: Oh, he's almost asleep.
M: Yeah. Hey mommy?
me: Whaty?
M: Sometimes I tell Mr. Snake jokes and he laughs like this: sss-sss-sss-sss-ss.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

Merry Christmas

A Peppermint Chubber.

A little M enjoying a snow disk at Mother Nature's Farm. Fun!

Cookie Baking Extravaganza 2009

I am documenting all the cookies I am making for the holiday season over at the recipe blog. Check it out :)

Things M Says (Part 15)

"Mom, you have to be 20 to be a ninja. I'm 20."

Things M Says (Part 14)

While visiting my sisters and brother in CA, and being chased by my brother's large puppy Angus:

"Somebody help me!!"

E's Third Surgery

E had surgery for a fistula repair this past Wednesday morning. For the first time it was in the outpatient center, so we were heading home in the late morning, instead of settling into a shared hospital room for the day and night. I vastly prefer going home after surgery.

E basically slept all day, took his plain Tylenol and antibiotics, and cried when I fed him. But he is a good sport and has improved every day since. With a lot of insistence from me has has managed to eat normally. And without any insistence needed, he has sleep normally, and then some.

Now I am just trying to keep probiotics in his system while he finishes those irritating antibiotics. He will be done with those Monday night, so I am looking forward to that. Then next week we go in to see Dr. Joganic on Thursday for a follow up. I am hoping for no pulled stitches and a perfectly healing mouth. That would be the best Christmas gift ever. E has already been making new sounds while babbling, and even occasionally making suction on his sippy cup. *sniff*

The next surgery will not be until his nose reconstruction when he is approximately 18 months old next July. That one will be a doozy, but at least it is not for a few months.

E's first year has quite a tally going: three surgeries, 8+ months physical therapy, 7+ months of chiropractics, and an orthotic helmet. After he turns one (in a month!!!) I am hoping for a nice boring year with just one surgery and that is all.

Magnesium

TMI-Alert!!!

E is not the best pooper in the world. It has stressed me out lately. Everyone should go at least once a day. After all, it is toxic stuff and needs to get out of your body. I have tried giving E more liquids, prune juice, fibrous foods. I have tried taking grains out of his diet, and yolks, and chicken. Basically E was, and still is, just having fruits and veggies, breast milk, and water. He would still only go once every other day at best, but it was little and dry-looking.

So we started E on 1/16 teaspoon of magnesium, daily. We have had to gradually increase up to 1/4 teaspoon per day, since E seems to be a little magnesium magnet. In fact, that is how E's chiropractor (Dr. Ross, who is simply wonderful) described people like E: they are magnesium magnets. There is a theory that because soil is less mineral-rich in general, that certain bodies need supplementation to function. I am hoping 1/4 tsp. is the magic number for little E. So far so good.

If anyone out there has a similar problem with their kids (or themselves!), before you turn to Miralax or some other laxative or fiber supplement, give magnesium a try. Specifically, try the brand E is using which is very easily absorbed after being fizzed in hot water, yummy tasting (flavored with stevia and citrus), is also a calcium supplement, and is about $20 for a big tub which will last at least a year: Peter Gillham's Natural Vitality Natural Calm.

(I am going to start taking it as well, since I have high stress levels, and I do not drink milk anymore. I will be buying a tub from the chiropractor soon, so if anyone in AZ wants a tub just let me know and I will be there in a week or so purchasing. Anyone else, just go to the website above and find a vendor in your area.)

Recipe Bloggin'

I have be asked to join in on another blog. Fun! The name, in apricot-color:

Chevre and Apricots: a recipe blog

Enjoy! I have posted my first contribution this morning. More to come!

I have lost my momentum

I cannot think of anything to write. I have blogger's block, or something. When in doubt, make a list.

Things I Am Thinking About Lately:

• BYU is shutting down the Women's Research Institute. I originally heard about it from a grrrr-ing friend M on my Facebook page who linked to this. Now fMh is covering it here. And the Salt Lake Trib here.
  
• At the urging of my lovely friend mraynes over at The Exponent I wrote messages to President Samuelson and John Tanner regarding the above closing of the WRI.
  
• I get to go to California and chill with my peeps in less than 17 days. Good times, noodle salad.
  
• Halloween is really fun with a 4-year-old.
• E is getting so old: helmet off, first haircut, scooting around, drinking from sippy cups, having an opinion.
• M is getting taken out of preschool: it isn't a good fit for him this year. Field trips have no transportation, he does not seem to be learning much, the campus is farther away, he seems ambivalent about whether or not he likes his teacher, and I keep thinking about how nice it would be to just have preschool at home.
  
• Preschool at home: reading stories, learning states from our large map, learning songs from Laurie Berkner and others, doing construction paper crafts, learning the calendar, practicing writing letters and names, learning to read, and of course visiting three places on a regular basis: The Phoenix Children's Museum, The Arizona Science Center, and the Phoenix Zoo. Add some parks and some library visits and I think we will be good to go until Kindergarten officially starts next fall. Plus I can supplement materials from the Lakeshore store down the street, and for a lot less than what we were paying for preschool, methinks.
  
• I got a new tiny computer that I love. Especially in conjunction with the snazzy new wireless DSL setup we got.
  

Well, it looks like I had some things to say after all.

E's Orthotic Helmet

It comes off this Wednesday! Hooray for being done, even though he is cute either way. Pictures to come.

E's Fistula Repair Surgery

E will be having surgery to fix his palatal fistula (opening) on Wednesday December 2nd at 7:30 in the morning. It is a same day surgery, and the nurse thinks we might even get out of there in the morning. E will be wearing arm restraints again, and drinking with the special SoftFeeder nipple. Or if I can get him used to it, I may start him on sippy cups completely now so he will be ready for surgery in a few weeks.

I am trying to modify this sippy lid to see if he will take it. Since he still cannot make suction with his mouth, he needs a very fast flow sippy such as one without a valve, or one that has huge holes in the spout, or both. Wish us luck!

Probiotics

I know I keep on and on about probiotics and how they fight colds and flu-like illness, not to mention keep you regular and healthy in general. Probiotics provide good bacteria for your body to use to fight off infection and to keep you healthy. Here is a link from The American Academy of Pediatrics Journal that shows the scientific evidence to lend credibility to my stance. I use two brands of probiotics that I alternate back and forth as I finish a bottle: this one and this one.

(I poke a hole in the gelcap and squeeze out some powder onto E's morning cereal and into M's morning juice. There is a little over half the powder left in the capsule that I then take. No word on whether R will ever agree to take these, party-pooper :)).

Tyler Perry

I just read on Salon and on Shakesville about Tyler Perry's experiences with sexual abuse. Tyler Perry apparently told his story of abuse on his website [trigger warning]. It is heartbreaking and triggering but deserves to be read and faced. I hope that more and more people will tell their stories and bring light to all kinds of abuse that happen around us every day. I pray that Mr. Perry will find peace in sharing his story, and maybe even a little healing.

I have also read how CNN covered the story and referred to his abuse at the hands of a female neighbor "seduction". A 10-year-old cannot be "seduced". And for that matter a 10-year-old cannot "have sex". They can be forced. They can be raped. Period. Downplaying rape and abuse is wrong. Call it what it is. In fact, if you are so inclined, call or email CNN and tell them you are disappointed in their coverage.

I was sexually abused. I wasn't seduced. I was a victim. I wasn't asking for it in some way.