I was recently added as a permablogger at The Exponent. I am very happy with my monthly contribution on the schedule. Go ahead, click the link and see my cute little kmillecam picture over there. I'm so excited!
My first post was last month about My Banishing Ceremony. And today was my second official blog post: On Fat Acceptance. I was feeling particularly open and candid today when I wrote my essay. So there I am, laying my (very tender) thoughts out. So far so good. I have been happy to read a lot of comments over there that are happy to be having a conversation about such an oft-overlooked subject. Which is funny, because we all struggle in some way with body image.
My decision to permablog there has been a stretch for me. I question my writing abilities, and it is hard for me to meet deadlines without feeling like I am incapable. But after I made a goal to write more and commit myself to writing deadlines, the fear has gotten better. Making a goal isn't something that I just think of either. I'm talking sit-down-and-make-a-goal-by-writing-specifics-on-a-goal-sheet-in-a-Phoenix-Youth-At-Risk-way kind of a goal. This kind of goal starts with a personal declaration, details daily and weekly steps, and outlines clear outcomes. This kind of a goal should scare you a little, make you stretch, make you grow. These goals, and the support of my PYAR community, have allowed me to approach some intense issues over the last several months.
One previous goal was to get a measure of catharsis with my mom. I did that with my banishing ceremony, the same ceremony I blogged about here and on The Exponent for my perma debut. Another previous goal was to do the forgiveness process with my dad. I called him and forgave him for abusing me. It was very powerful. That was the first time this year that I thought about consciously facing fears. When I told her about this, a friend of mine said something I will never forget: "every time I notice that I am afraid to do something, I have to do it".
So that brings me to writing and blogging. I fear rejection. I don't want to be an out-of-practice stay-at-home mom trying to write, but failing. But then I realized that in order to write well...I have to write! Now I have embraced writing. I will blog at The Exponent once a month. I will continue to blog here and work on clarity and quality. I will even write for the Exponent publication and have my name in print. This is all part of my grand plan to return to school and my career path when E gets a bit older.
So, go and read my feminist thoughts at The Exponent. Maybe you can comment and let me know what you think. :)